The past 24 hours have been completely devastating, I was just getting into my bed last night with my colleague text me asking if I'd heard the news. She didn't have to say anything else I knew it was Michael I went onto the forum and saw things about an ambulance, things saying he was dead! I grabbed my laptop and ran to the living room and put on BBC news 24 to my worst nightmare. I begged and pleaded that it wasn't true that he was OK that the media were just going over the top like they always do, but it wasn't to be. I sat there distraught engulfed in the tears which are still falling as they slowly confirmed that he was dead. Most people who know me texted me or messaged me to see if I was ok. I had wanted Michael to do these concerts not just for me so that I could watch him perform but for himself so he could show everyone his talent, make people remember him the right reasons, to prove the doubters wrong. It's not right that it's ended like this, I had to phone in sick to work today. Last night I ended up throwing up I was that exhuasted from the tears, i just told my manager that i had throw up and been up all night. She asked if it was to do with Michael Jackson and i just broke cried my eyes out again and said he's the reason i threw up. Non-fans don't seem to understand how we can grieve for someone who we never 'knew' who most of us never met, we're in pain because we've lost someone we love. We don't just listen to his music we love the man, the father, the humanitarian we have lost someone who we hold very close to our hearts. I've struggled to eat anything today and my heads been thumping from crying, just feel like I'm in a daze.
I put on the outfit I was gonna wear to his show and went for a walk blasting his music out of my phone. I live in a very beautiful area in Scotland and went on top of a very big hill that I'd never been to before. I cried, I had a lie down because my head hurt so much from it all and then his music picked my up off my feet and I went further up the hill. At the top there was lots a big rocks sticking up out of the ground I went to the biggest one and stood on top of it. There was the most beautiful view and I just knew that Michael would of loved it there you could see the mountains miles and miles away. I spoke to him telling him that this can be his spot, I stood there for ages and was just about to hop off my rock when Heal the World came on. I sat down on my rock and sang my heart out, it was a very healing experience as I was so high up I felt like I was singing with Michael like I was near heaven and he was right there with me. I feel lucky to have known him for the man he really was, to have loved him so completely.
